Sunday, 6 May 2012

Fun things

I spend a lot of time playing with Bug's toys. From fairy boots to monkey puzzles, brum brum cars to kitchen equipment, I have an absolute blast. Every so often I'll let Bug joins in too.

She's just started to understand that her toys have meaning and function. She's had a tea set for months and only used it as a teether, the spout being perfect Bug gum size. Recently she's discovered that the tea pot pours an imaginary liquid of her choice which means Bear and I get to sample its delights each and every night. Bug will toddle over to us like a pissed pensioner swinging her tea pot in arcs.

'Sup sup,' says Bear, as Bug pops the spout in her mouth.

My turn. Spout inserted. 'Sup sup.'

Bug looks on expectingly.

'Ahh...' Bear and I say in unison. Bug smiles and walks off.

Lots of times she'll pass me a spoon and a pan. I'll stir an imaginary delicacy, taste it and offer it Bugwards.

'No no no,' she'll say and take the spoon off me and pass it to Mum

'What did I do wrong?' I ask Bear, confused.

Bear puts the spoon in her mouth.

'Nom nom not sure nom nom,' she replies.

Bugs nods her head. Mum 1 Dad 0.

Some of her toys confuse the shit out of me. Take Violet here, one of Bug's favourites:

'If you're happy and you know it fuck with me.' Brilliant. Truly exceptional.

ME: How you doing Bug?

BUG: Pretty happy, Dad!

ME: Off to fuck the talking dog then?

BUG: Aye.

On to Star Wars (obviously). A little known fact is that Jabba the Hutt believed passionately in reincarnation. He also found human women sexy. Perv.

I'm a bit in of a non-believer, and unlike Jabba don't believe in life after death. Still, I'm pretty much at a loss to explain this:

I know that laugh.

Books are as bad. Have a look at this innocent picture from Bug's book about farms:

Nothing amiss there, I hear you say. But wait. What's that at the bottom of the page:

It's only a pair of tiny wee rabbits fucking like tiny wee rabbits.

And finally, I came home from work to notice this grusome scene in a fairy boot. Too high for Bug to reach unaided, the only possible explanation is foul play. As Taggart would say: there's been a murder.

Bye for now.


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