Friday, 23 March 2012

Me Too? No thanks.

I'm going to discuss books and TV a lot in this blog. Bear calls me the Charlie Brooker of kids' entertainment. I take it as the compliment it wasn't intended. There's a lot of stuff that's excellent. I'll leave that for another day. Today we'll look at a TV programme described as 'absolutely fucking gash' by at least one toddler. It's on Cbeebies and is called Me Too.

The basic premise of the show, as far as I can tell, is that recently kidnapped children are sold into a child porn ring headed by the wicked Granny Murray. Here's the cast in a lovely photo. Granny Murray is the one in the perpetually stripy sweater:

The characters wear the same clothes in every episode, which wouldn't be so bad only it looks like they rifled through their mother's clothes drawer right before they murdered her.

After abandoning the children at Granny Murray's basement flat/dungeon, we follow the kidnappers as they go about their normal day. Here the show alternates between Granny Murray's dungeon and the kidnapper's place of work. Dungeon children look rightly terrified. Granny Murray forces them to do a series of dance numbers as she sits in a chair clapping her hands and rubbing her thighs. Cut to Ray, the train buffet car manager, singing a jaunty song about his trip to work. Here it is, and bare in mind that seconds earlier he left a terrified child with a certified nutter:

Back at Granny Murray's and she's having a meltdown because she only has nine hours to make a cup of tea.

Cut to Dr. Juno who recently left her beloved dog at Granny Murray's for no apparent reason I can think of other than the show's makers had ran out of children. Dr. Juno's shouting abuse at patients before abandoning them on the operating table to die so she can sing a song about cake. Part of the lyrics are:

there's lots of excitement in the hospital,
machines are buzzing just to give us a thrill.

What? The machines in the hospital buzz solely to give the staff a thrill?

NURSE:        Dr. Juno! Dr. Juno!

DR. JUNO:    What Nurse?

NURSE:        This man's flatlining!

DR. JUNO:    Parteeeey!

(The nurse and Dr. Juno dance around the heart monitor. Other members of staff poke their heads around the door saying things like 'do I hear a flatline?' before cracking open a can of lager)

Okay, maybe I made that last bit up. I wish I could say the same about the lyrics.

Me Too is utterly awful. There's not one believable character in it, the songs are horrific and Granny Murray is clearly insane.

I am not a fan.

Other people are.

The world is truly weird.

Bye for now.


  1. In I want to see the parade Chuck Louie Nurse Hendry and Raymond made fun of Dr Juno and her patients. Also Raymond called her a SpoilSport

  2. Raymond is mean Calling Dr Juno A SpoilSport Tina is nice Commett and QUIZ Who Works in Fingals Fruit and Veg A Mickey John B Tina C Rudi

  3. Thank you for your answers Mickey John works at a school and Tina Drives a Taxi This Means Rudi works in Fingals Fruit And Veg