Wednesday, 28 March 2012


I never thought there would be a time in my life when I'd give serious consideration to the name of my daughter's nether regions. It's not a subject you can randomly pop into a conversation with friends:

DEREK: I love boobs!

ME: Hell yeah. And another thing... 

DEREK: Yeah?

ME: Fannys.

DEREK: Oooh. Go on...

ME: My daughter's fanny.

DEREK: What the...

ME: What's a good name for it?

DEREK: Jesus...

ME: We're atheists. Have another go...

Not a conversation I remember having. Yet here we are, 17 months in and in need of inspiration. I've been calling her fanny...well...fanny since she was born. Thing is, I have a sneaky suspicion it's a swear. We're not talking the level of the 'C' word (Cameron) or even the 'T' word (Tory) but a swear nonetheless.

This is okay while it's me saying it. Thing is, Bug's started saying things too. At the moment her vocabulary consists of 'star,' 'dog,' 'up,' 'bubble,' 'no' and 'good.' Do I want to add a fanny into the mix?

OLD LADY: Hello little girl!

BUG: Good bubble up dog fanny.

How do you respond to that? With caution I guess.

Bear says they're Bug's lady parts. To me that suggests she should also have gentlemen parts. Someone at work suggested 'front bottom.' Front bottom? That's mental. Front bottoms can only lead to back fannys and we all know there's no cure for that.

It is all very confusing. Do Mum's worry about this? Does the penis give them sleepless nights? Are we slipping dangerously into innuendo?

I'm not sure there's a right answer. It's not like Bug and I will look back when she's 27 and joke about the names of her privates. At least, I hope not. I don't intend to make it part of my speech at her wedding. Mainly because she's never leaving the house without me, let alone getting married.

But that's another blog.

I'm open to suggestions.

Bye for now.



We went to the beach yesterday. It's Bug's first time since she grew her walking legs. Paddling was the order of the day. Paddling and falling dramatically into sand. It was ace.


This is a truly wonderful blog I stumbled on while trying to see what other Dad's write about:


  1. I hate to be a pedant, but isn't it fannies?

    Anyway, we use fanny. As far as swear words go, I think it's about equivalent to willy, which we also use.

    1. It may be fannies. I understand the '...ys' & '...ies' rule. I know it doesn't apply to 'monkey.' I'm not sure if it applies to 'fanny.'

      Of course, understanding is one thing. I typed 'Fannys' without thinking about it so have no justification whatsoever ;)

  2. Its Twinkle in our house. Don't know why, or how I even started saying it but there you have it. And she know it too, if you say where's your twinkle, she points. and daddy's twinkle too, though she's not convinced that one is quite right. can't blame her really.

    much easier with boys. Willy.

    1. It is much easier with boys. Willy. Simple.

      And I can imagine she's rightly confused about twinkle allocation. We've not got to that stage yet, though just about everything gets a point and a 'what's that?' sound so it's only a matter of time.