I drink a lot of
fucking coffee. I don't have many cups -- maybe three a day -- but in
each cup there's around 1/2 dozen spoonfuls of coffee. As we all
know, 6 spoonfuls of coffee plus 6 spoonfuls of coffee plus 6
spoonfuls of coffee is approximately a lot of fucking coffee.
It's no wonder I'm
raising a child that doesn't do sleep.
I hear rumours of
children that do do sleep.
People often say: our
son's amazing. He sleeps from 9pm until 9am.
People often say: our
son's amazing. He falls asleep around 7 and wakes in his mid 30s.
Bug's never slept. She
suffered from colic when wee and couldn't sleep unless held upright
on our chests. Each night for four months I'd stay awake until 3am at
which point I'd wake sleepy Bear so I could get some kip before work.
Bear's days started at
3 am when mine ended.
When the colic cleared,
we were left with a decision to make on sleep: either we committed to
sleep training, or we didn't. For those new to sleep training, here's
a link to a Super Nanny explanation: Controlled
Crying.
We didn't start
parenting with a particular philosophy in mind. Like most things, I
didn't give it any real thought until the day Bug was born, at which
point it became quite important. Bear, of course, had thought about
it at length and was just waiting for tell-tale signs of me panicking
such as little poos dotted around the flat.
When we first started
discussing sleep, I wasn't even aware that there were different
approaches. I simply -- and some have called it naively --
assumed that if my daughter was upset then I'd go comfort her. It
seemed the right thing to do for my child
This became my
philosophy to parenting.
It's led to a lot of
sleepless nights. It may also have led to a daughter that sparkles
with wit, intelligence and adventure. Who really knows? Like
everything, for each study you find justifying your parenting you'll
find one criticising it.
All would be well, only
whenever I tell people I don't do controlled crying they kindly
explain to me why I'm wrong, entering territory I like to call 'None
Of Your Fucking Business.'
I don't preach about
how I raise Bug. If someone's having a tough time with their little
person, I never say 'well, it's obviously because you're not doing it
like we do.'
But people tell me.
They tell me all the fucking time.
Controlled crying: Bug
will never sleep without it.
Baby led weaning: she's
bound to choke to death trying to swallow a pea that's not been cut
up into 95 pieces.
Child care: your
relationship can't possibly survive.
Sling wearing: she'll
just get use to the hugs.
Seriously. I've been
told Bug will get use to hugs if I carry her in the sling. Which
makes me think 'what the fuck are you doing to your child if hugs are
deemed a bad thing?'
I digress.
Or maybe I don't. Maybe
it's all pertinent.
Why do some parents
feel it's okay to tell other parents they're getting it wrong?
I'd be interested to
hear what you think.
Bye for now.
Xx
